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Sex and NLP

By on 9-18-2011 in NLP, Relationships

Now this is possibly the most challenging subject for me to write about. Why? Because I don’t consider myself an expert. I haven’t had numerous partners and I have experienced various ‘results’ for want of a better word. In fact my ex-husband would be laughing if he thought I was writing on this subject.



Intimacy bliss

So what qualifies me to write about sex? I guess it is the very fact that I have travelled the full journey of experience from one extreme to another.

And here, I am not talking about technique or position; I’m more concerned with your mind set, your inner experience that controls the outer.

What if…

  • What if you could experience a relaxed bliss with your partner that you’ve never experienced before?
  • What if you knew how to satisfy your partner’s sexual strategies and motivations and they could satisfy yours?
  • And how would it be if you could experience complete presence and vulnerability with your partner so that you experienced every intimate second in exquisite heightened detail?

The Context

I just want to frame this post a little.
The context I am referring to is of a sexual relationship with a life partner or someone you deeply love. Why do I make the distinction? As per yesterday’s post, context makes a difference. We have different beliefs and attitudes about long term relationships than a one night stand (I think! :)).

It is in the intimate experience of sex where I believe our core vulnerabilities, conditioning, ego and power trips have the opportunity to manifest the most. Even in the most loving relationships I believe there is the potential to create either great hurt or exquisite passion in the arena of the bedroom.

We strip ourselves bare both physically and emotionally when we connect with our partner in this way. And it is an opportunity for all our insecurities, fears and ‘stuff’ to surface or to choose fun and bliss.

It is such an important part of who we are and yet this tends to be a major area of ourselves that it’s not ok to talk about, even with our partners.

And I guess that’s why I wanted to share.


I know that there’s the potential scenario that I could have gone my whole life without experiencing the bliss and joy that sex can be and I’m sure there are many others in the world who are still wondering what all the fuss is about.

What could NLP possibly teach me about sex?

So to NLP – I was fortunate enough to be able to release many of the beliefs and negative emotions that I had around sex when I took my Master Practitioner training. I don’t want to get too personal but suffice to say it changed my life in that area.

With NLP, Time Line Therapy ™, NLP Coaching and Hypnosis you can…

  • work with a coach to identify and uncover the issues that are encroaching on  your intimate relationship with your partner
  • Identify and release easily and effortlessly, limiting beliefs and negative emotions that are preventing you from opening up to the full experience
  • Release past traumatic experiences
  • Learn to improve rapport and trust with your partner
  • Improve your self-esteem and self-confidence
  • Identify your partners preferred sensory style in love making
  • Learn to calibrate (understand the subtle changes in your partner so that you can measure their response) your partner so that you can identify what works, what doesn’t, and change it if required
  • Understand how your partners mind works and their communication style for intimacy so that you improve your love making

And the list doesn’t stop there.

So how would it do that?  


Communication Model

NLP Communication Model

Going back to the NLP Communication Model that I introduced in an earlier post (Your Mind is Like Facebook). I mentioned in that post the link between your Internal Representation and your state.


‘Our internal representation controls our state (how we feel), which controls our physiology (our body) and our behaviour (what we do) which then controls the results you get.’


And this is  very important in the case of sexual intimacy.

If you feel confident about sex and you are present with your partner in the moment, you will have a very different experience than if you’re ‘lying back thinking of England’.

I’d wager that the internal representation that a woman has in her mind, or not,  is responsible for whether she reaches orgasm or not.

With NLP, Time Line Therapy™ and hypnosis, we’re working with your unconscious mind and filters (including memories, values and beliefs, decisions, language, Meta programs, Time/space/matter/energy) to help you create an internal representation that works for you in producing the best and most appropriate state that will generate the best behaviour and therefore best result, even in the bedroom.

Next Steps

If things aren’t quite perfect for you in this area of your life what can you do next to make a change (in order of recommendation)?

  1. Contact an NLP/Time Line Therapy™/Hypnosis trained coach who you feel comfortable working with in this area.   OR
  2. Sign up for The Love Audit, where the subject of intimacy and releasing your ‘stuff’ around sex is covered.    OR
  3. Attend an NLP Practitioner Training where you will learn the techniques to help others as well as helping yourself (if you have serious issues, working with a coach is recommended).


In preparing to write this blog I realised there was just so little detail I could cover in this space, and I’ve been inspired to write an e-book. If you are interested in reviewing the e-book or would like to be notified of its release, please email me at and I’ll ensure you receive further information.

The End of Relationship Week

So this brings to a close my blogging about realtionships for now.
If you’d like to read more about NLP and Relationships I will be setting up a blog (available by Friday 23rd September 2011) specifically for The Love Audit at

I invite you to join me on my next practitioner training – details at



Or on The Love Audit online programme launching at the beginning of October 2011. I’m offering a maximum of ten spaces, to ensure that I can give you the one to one attention.

And this is the reason I find myself coming back to relationships. My wish for everyone on this planet is that they experience a love so deep and exquisite that you are experiencing heaven on earth with another, this lifetime.” – Heather Bond

 For more Free NLP resources register at the top of the page or check out

…Clearing the way for your perfect relationship

 Free Questionnaire and Video – How relationship ready are you?

You can register for the Free questionnaire and video, and further details of the programme and live Weekend workshops at

Attract that dream relationship in 2012

The timing of the launch of the programme is very intentional. I want you to experience your best relationship year ever in 2012, so begin the clearing work now, so that you can attract that dream relationship in 2012




  1. Fabulous!! I remember feeling completely abandoned in bed by one long term partner when he would turn over and all I got was the cold of his back, he wouldn’t meet me skin to skin always wearing a t-shirt. With another long term partner, he would insist, immediately after love making, that it was necessary to wash.

    It’s taken me a while to get rid of some of the beliefs I created around this. I also became aware of something my unconscious mind was telling me … I often slept literally on the edge of the bed, now I find myself willing to sleep in the middle with my partner because I’ve learned how to trust. If I wake up on the edge now, I listen to the message!

    • Thanks for sharing this Jackie. It is interesting what beliefs we take on with this level of intimacy. I think it also highlights our unwillingness to communicate how we feel in those situations to. As a woman I know I was conditioned to believe that it was all about satifying the man and my needs didn’t count at all (that’s the catholic upbringing) so don’t complain. :) I’m pleased I moved on!

  2. Interesting, Jackie , that you felt abandoned. I often wear T shirt and leggings in bed and am reluctant to remove them, although it wasn’t always like that. Occasionally, I feel open enough to strip for bed. Also for the longest time I have lain outwards at the edge of the bed not often feeling comfortable in the centre facing my very long term partner. Not great for him obviously so what am I indicating unconsciously, I ask myself. Lack of trust certainly, and not very loving . ….I also get an internal switch off sometimes during cuddling.

    • Thanks Hazel, I can add some specificity to it! I’m quite happy with the wearing of jammies , it was the fact that he would never, ever take them off, didn’t like to be naked, and it turned out to be in more ways than one :)

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