Grief, shock, disbelief, numbness, hurt and deep, deep pain are some of the feelings experienced.
And then comes the practical things and the pain that they bring.
Lives that were inextricably entwined(so we thought) are being separated and torn apart. And if there are children involved then it’s even messier and more heart wrenching.
So what can you do? How can you move forward from this place of shock and despair?
- One of the first steps is Acceptance. Acceptance of ‘what is’, if possible without the spin you want to put on it and without blaming anyone. It’s a challenge but if you can really get an objective view on the situation it gives you power and balance.
Making life changing decisions from an emotionally charged space is one of the worst things we can do and yet we are often forced to when it comes to a loss of a relationship.
Spend as little time as possible analysing the past and instead work out where you go from here.
- The Anger – It’s inevitable that you will get angry and will want to strike out somehow. Acknowledge the anger, let it out but in a controlled environment. Beat up the pillows in your bedroom, work it out in a gym, take up running or kick boxing. Control it as much as you can. Maintain your power and avoid doing something that you’ll regret, that hurts only you in the long run.
- Grief – There will be times when the emotion seems uncontrollable and again, let it out in as much of a controlled environment as you can. Cry as much as you need to. It’s important to let out the emotion. You’ll ask yourself ‘when will it get better’. It does. In your time when you’re ready.
- Time – You will recover in your own time and on average it takes 18 months to 2 years to get through the grief of a relationship break up. Longer if you choose to make it longer. Faster if it’s appropriate too. Your friends and family may want to see you ‘back to normal’ faster than that and here’s where it’s important to acknowledge things will never be the same again. This whole process of grief throws you into a process of changing you. You are forced to look at who you are what you want for your life. You will never be ‘who you were’. And I know it’s hard to believe that that can be a good thing, yet you can come out of this the person you were always meant to be.
- Don’t date for at least 18 months – This is a toughie for some people. It is so easy to look for a replacement. To look for the love you have lost by finding another relationship as quickly as possible. This is where you make a commitment to yourself to allow you to heal. To allow you to complete the process. To allow you to grow and blossom into someone who is so much more and has so much more to offer, on your terms.
There’s lots more on this subject. Keep busy, get help if you need it (coach, therapist) and never lose faith that you will get through. That every day you are getting stronger. You do matter. You are Loved.