I’m writing about a subject I haven’t really looked at for some time.
I may have mentioned here before that for September I am challenging myself to write a book (1500 words per day). And this book is very much about relationships and non more than the relationship with self.
It’s obvious that our relationship with self and understanding of who we are, the ‘I’ that we believe we are, affects every relationship we create in our lives.
The others we attract to us are very much influenced by this view of ourselves.
Lie number one – Folks treat you badly because that’s the way they are.
We teach people how to treat us. And what we teach people has a lot to do with our self-worth, our beliefs and conditioning around our value and level of self-respect.
A lot of this can be unconscious and learned at a very early age.
When you find yourself attracting partners who are of the same abusive type it’s time to stop looking for what’s outside to change and to begin to look at what you are allowing, what you believe about yourself and what the payoff is for attracting this type of person into your life.
Sometimes it is difficult to accept that it is often what you are looking for in others is what’s missing in yourself.
Lie number two – I’m Looking for the Perfect Partner to Complete Me.
No-one can complete you. Your aim is to be complete in yourself. It’s a more powerful place from which to approach a relationship.
When you are looking for someone to ‘complete you’ you are admitting that you are less than. That in effect, you’re not good enough on your own.
There is a difference between wanting and needing.
Relationships work better when two individuals come together to share the journey without expectations of fulfilling a need or a want in someone else.
Relationships based on need tend to end when you’ve acquired what you wanted for yourself, in yourself. You’ve grown and expanded. The ‘need’ for the other has disappeared and you begin looking for someone else to fill a new expanded need.
Lie number Three – Love happens By Chance
I truly believe we attract the people who show up in our lives and we have to be aware and open to receiving them.
Again, your beliefs and focus will determine who shows up.
If you’re constantly focusing on what you don’t want and expecting what you want to show, you wouldn’t recognise them if they did because you’d be too busy proving yourself right that ‘men/women are all the same’, or ‘I only attract the bad ones’.
You know that how you interpret an event is completely based on your attitude and what you focus on. For example if you’re looking for a purple car because you hate purple cars, you’ll begin to notice purple cars everywhere. Because that’s what you’re looking for.
You may miss the perfect pink car and all of the other cars, because you’re so focused on the fact there are too many purple cars on the road. ‘Look at that one! I told you so!’
And so it is with partners. You’re so focused on the ones you don’t want there is no space to see the ones who match what you do.
And the Point…
Your mind, your attitude, what you focus on, your unconscious conditioning, have as much impact on whether you find the perfect person as it does for you getting that perfect job.
If you’re not getting what you want check in – are you focused on what you want? Do you know what you know what you want?
Do you believe you deserve and are worthy of the person you are looking for?
Do you even believe they are out there or are you holding on to ‘they’re all the same’, ‘it’ll never happen for me’, ‘I can’t meet someone new’?