It was her favourite time of day. When the rest of the world was asleep, at least that’s how it felt.
She would climb out from beneath the cocoon of her duvet, step into fluffy fleece lined slippers and float downstairs to the large, bright window in the snug sitting room.
She would sit on the floor, cross her legs and bask in the silence and beauty of the morning as it played in her garden, creating movement and light and waking the birds to their play.
Winter was drawing in quickly, so this morning the sunshine was taking it’s time to arise and cast its sleepy glows on the bows of her almost naked horse-chestnut tree.
She wrapped a vibrant purple blanket around her shoulders against the creeping cold, as she breathed in life and prepared to welcome her day.
She breathed in deeply and let go of all of the anger she had felt the evening before.
She pushed the frantic scenes from her mind as she focused on nothing but her breathing.
Shallow, slow, energy expelling and drawing in.
It’s not how she had planned it…
allow that thought to melt away.
Peace, peace and deepest calm… breathe in…
Hurt, sadness, betrayal… breathe out…
Tears not allowed! Focus, focus!!
Breathe in…. not gulp.
For all her wisdom, her calmness, her meditation, her life wasn’t meant to be this way!!
Correction… Everything is happening perfectly! All is perfect. The lesson is there. I’m growing stronger because of this pain!
Breathe in… breathe in slowly, calmly counting to eight.
Never to return.
This time it’s irreparable!
This time she took back his key!
This time she let go of all of the tolerating and the patiently waiting for him to change!
This time she had dropped the halo and the angel wings and let rip.
This time it was THE END.
No justification necessary, she must take responsibility.
She had attracted this.
Too late for an autopsy now.
Nothing to change, nothing to do but…
Breathe out …. relax.
Breathe in … focus,
Breathe out… let go, forgive, cry, sob and be done… eight, nine, ten
The chiming of the doorbell stabbed through her sobs.
Still 6.30 am – who would be this early?
She grabs a tissue and wipes her face as she fumbles her way to the door.
Open the door.
Let in the dark and cold and…
He has flowers and that boyish look!
He says it before she can breathe it.
” You’re the best. You’ve done so much for me. You’re right it’s time I pulled my weight mum”.
Breathe in … Unconditional love.
She opens the door wider and holds him like she’ll never let him go.